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Embarrassing Questions: Let’s Do This!

Late as ever to blog-posting, but I still wanted to play along/out myself! Thanks for the Questions Momma!

1.Boxer shorts or budgee smugglers? Let’s keep that snake in its cage until it’s time for release. Boxer briefs is the appropriate answer. 

2. What color of underwear are you currently wearing? Give me a sec..Ooh, red…with black hearts. I lucked out on this question for sure. I mean…really lucked out. 😜

3. How long have you been wearing them for already? Long enough to sell them on eBay! Ew, ew, ew! 

4. Do you ever use binoculars to watch people? Nope. The audio from my neighbors is visual enough.

5. Have you ever kicked someone in the groin? I have, and I still feel terrible about it. I think I was seven when the neighbor boy, Dylan, tried to kiss me. He was so cute and sweet, but I kicked him square in the gnads anyway! 

6. Would you pull a trigger? I have shot at targets. My dad was a gun/antiques dealer, so I’ve spent a lot of time at gun shows and firing ranges. I don’t currently own a gun, but I believe in the right to bear arms. And yes, I think that right should be strictly enforced.

7.If you would meet your favorite celebrity and they would want to make out with you, would you? Derek picks on me about my crush on Chris Helmsworth/Thor, but no, I would never cheat. It’s just not in my character to do so. I wouldn’t kick a hammer out of bed though…Derek!

8.Have you ever slept in a room and in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and having a one night stand)? Yep, and I apologize to all teenage boys who are crushing on their BFF. Teenage girls are the worst! 

9. Have you had one-night-stands? A few, unfortunately. 

10. Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger? More so. When I was younger, I didn’t understand that sex was a two-way street. I lost my virginity at 15, but I wasn’t really ready for sex until I was 19. 

11. Have you ever eaten a worm? Do gummy worms count? 

12. What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten? Escargot fucking sucks! I managed a restaurant that was half owned by a very nice French family, but Escargot fucking sucks! No food should be crunchy and slimy at the same time. 

13. How long do you spend sitting on the toilet? I’m the toilet Ninja! Get in and get out, and leave no evidence!

14. What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)? If I do happen to dawdle while I diddle, I usually read the Word Smart by Princeton Review vocabulary book. It’s bookmarked with a pencil, and I totally geek out on the vocabulary quizzes.

15. Have you ever been peed at? Yep, and my now “adult” nephews will never live it down.

16. What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed? Let’s leave that at Escargot.

17.What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home? My bathroom ceiling/walls.

18.Why don’t you clean it? The rent in our historic apartment is dirt cheap, but there is no ventilation. Our bathroom window is stuck shut, so we’ve made peace with the mildew. Location, location, location!

19. Do you eat your boogers? Abso-fucking-lutely not! 

20. Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag? Patchouli. The comedian Patton Oswalt, described the scent as dirt that’s been fucked by a hobo, and I could not agree more.

21. Have you ever had head lice? Yep. I spent some time in Ecuador when I was younger and brought back some unwanted souvenirs.

22. Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone? Of course. Myself included.

23. Have you ever been scared of someone? Yep. I’ve been a “stalker magnet” more times than I care to admit. Honestly, I’m standoffish to those who don’t know me, but I guess that’s like bait to creepers. Scary stuff.

24. What do you do and don’t want anyone to know when you are drunk? If I’m drinking in public, I have a two drink limit. That’s how I preserve my dignity.

25. Have you tried pole dancing? Nope.

26.Have you been in a strip club? Nope. I cringe when straight girls say they love going to strip clubs. I’ve been invited to many strip clubs, but I’ve always declined.  “Let’s talk about your Daddy issues, Dimples” is sure to put a damper the evening.

27. Have you run over an animal? Nope, but I’ve lost a few animals to hit and runs. My beloved dog Bandy was run over, and I’ve missed her everyday for nearly 20 years. 

28. Have you ever peed in snow? Umm…kinda. The first house party I ever attended was hosted by a girl with the last name Snow. She was beautiful,wealthy, and barrel raced a $12,000 Arabian horse. She had “cool parents” who allowed drinking at her party, so long as each driver turned over their car keys. We peed beside each other outside of her house, and I never thought to ask why we just didn’t go inside. 

29. Have you ever made fun of someone and then regret it? All the time.

30.What’s your favorite kind of question of Cards for Humanity (for those who know the game)? I’ve never played it.

31. If the father of your best friend would hit on you what would you tell him? Well, my sister is my best friend,so, umm…(cue banjos)

32. Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age? God, no. Half my age would be 18, and twice my age would be 72. Now I’m depressed. 🙄

33.Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth? Usually.

34. Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink? I’ve been very tempted, but no. Be kind to your servers and bartenders, you never know what they’re going through and what might send them over the edge.

35. Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out, afterwards? Of course. I’ve been slobbered on and tongue-stabbed. You know tongue-stabbing right? It’s when the kisser makes his or her tongue into a pointy weapon and wages war on the kissee’s tongue,gums,and teeth. You’re doing it wrong! 🤐

Just because this makes me laugh, and apparently because I haven’t learned my lesson from #29!

Feel free to play along. I’m dying to see your answers! 

17 thoughts on “Embarrassing Questions: Let’s Do This!

  1. I’m a toilet ninja as well! Get in get out quit fucking about is my motto! Ha! Fantastic answers by the way!

  2. #31 has actually happened to me! I had come home from college and my best friend’s dad went to hug me hello and kiss my cheek, which was our normal greeting, except he moved his face at the last second and tried to put his tongue in my mouth. He was a very sweet man and he had been drinking, so I wasn’t upset and didn’t feel harassed in any way. I simply moved my face away from him and hugged him. I knew he would be embarrassed about it later and I didn’t want him to think I was upset with him, because I wasn’t. It never happened again and I still love him. 🙂

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