Have you ever uttered the phrase, “She’s so pretty, I hate her.” If so, you might be a reverse mean girl.
In my youth, and well into my twenties, I might have been viewed as the “pretty friend”. When out with a group of girls, I received the majority of male attention. I never thought about how the lack of attention affected other girls until I turned 29, and started gaining weight.
There I’d be in a bar, certain that a man was making a beeline toward me. My lips had already begun to form the words “I have a boyfriend”, and then I realized he’d walked right by me, and was hitting on my friend. Ouch!
In my prettiest years, I never went above a size two, and had female friends of all shapes and sizes. If they felt insecure around me, they never let it show. They just loved me for me.
Why am I writing this post?
I’ve recently discovered that I’ve been a reverse mean girl. I’ve probably known it all along, but I’m trying to acknowledge my insecurities here.
I have a
friend who defines gorgeous. She tried so hard to be my friend. Women want to be her, and men want to lavish her with diamonds,fly her on their private jets,and take her around the world.Yes, she’s that beautiful, and yes, all of those things have happened to her. She loves expensive jewelry,but she also loves her pets, her family, and her friends. She also loved me/wanted to love me, but my insecurities shot the potential relationship down. If I’m being honest, I still feel waves of jealousy course through my blood,when I see her updates. Morocco,Paris,all of The Islands. Massages,private chefs,diamonds. Her fiancé alternates between driving classic cars and his Mazzerati. It’s all too much, but the truth is: She’s a cool/smart girl with a heart of gold. And she genuinely tried to be my friend. I really like her, but I let my ego get in the way of what could have been a true and lasting friendship. I didn’t go to her pool parties,because I didn’t want to stand next to her in a bikini. I didn’t go shopping with her because her budget was $3,000 while mine was $30. I tried going out for drinks with her, but I wasn’t comfortable with my sudden position of being “invisible girl”.
It’s all vanity, and I excluded her because I was jealous. What if my friends had alienated me when I got more attention than them?
I’ve quoted this a dozen times, but it still holds true: My mother said,”There’s always going to be someone who’s smarter and prettier than you.” She was intelligent and beautiful,but she didn’t want for her girls to get caught up in comparisons.
There’s more than meets the eye. Always.