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Reverse Mean Girl

Have you ever uttered the phrase, “She’s so pretty, I hate her.” If so, you might be a reverse mean girl.

In my youth, and well into my twenties, I might have been viewed as the “pretty friend”. When out with a group of girls, I received the majority of male attention. I never thought about how the lack of attention affected other girls until I turned 29, and started gaining weight.

There I’d be in a bar, certain that a man was making a beeline toward me. My lips had already begun to form the words “I have a boyfriend”, and then I realized he’d walked right by me, and was hitting on my friend. Ouch! 

In my prettiest years, I never went above a size two, and had female friends of all shapes and sizes. If they felt insecure around me, they never let it show. They just loved me for me.

Why am I writing this post?

I’ve recently discovered that I’ve been a reverse mean girl. I’ve probably known it all along, but I’m trying to acknowledge my insecurities here.

I have a friend who defines gorgeous. She tried so hard to be my friend. Women want to be her, and men want to lavish her with diamonds,fly her on their private jets,and take her around the world.Yes, she’s that beautiful, and yes, all of those things have happened to her. She loves expensive jewelry,but she also loves her pets, her family, and her friends. She also loved me/wanted to love me, but my insecurities shot the potential relationship down. If I’m being honest, I still feel waves of jealousy course through my blood,when I see her updates. Morocco,Paris,all of The Islands. Massages,private chefs,diamonds. Her fiancé alternates between driving classic cars and his Mazzerati. It’s all too much, but the truth is: She’s a cool/smart girl with a heart of gold. And she genuinely tried to be my friend. I really like her, but I let my ego get in the way of what could have been a true and lasting friendship. I didn’t go to her pool parties,because I didn’t want to stand next to her in a bikini. I didn’t go shopping with her because her budget was $3,000 while mine was $30. I tried going out for drinks with her, but I wasn’t comfortable with my sudden position of being “invisible girl”.  

It’s all vanity, and I excluded her because I was jealous. What if my friends had alienated me when I got more attention than them?

I’ve quoted this a dozen times, but it still holds true:  My mother said,”There’s always going to be someone who’s smarter and prettier than you.” She was intelligent and beautiful,but she didn’t want for her girls to get caught up in comparisons.

There’s more than meets the eye. Always.

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25 thoughts on “Reverse Mean Girl

  1. That’s a shame. I have felt jealous of many girls in my life but try to never let it affect the way I act towards them. On the other hand, money is a big barrier. There are a lot of rich families whose kids go to rock school with my kid and it’s hard to keep up.

    • It’s not a pretty truth. I don’t keep up with this girl because all of her updates involve places I’ll never visit, and things I’ll never have. I was inspired because her beloved dog passed away. She truly loved him, and it reminded me that she’s just a girl…a human girl.

  2. The money part is the hardest thing. To me, it’s not that you totally dissed her, it sounds more like you had very little in common with her. Sure, you may have had the same sense of humor, or you liked similar things, but when her budget is through the roof and you are barely getting by, how can you logically have anything in common? I’ve never met anyone with that kind of money. However, I do have friends who drop $100 on a pair of jeans like it’s nothing. Or, they go on trips all the time, but it’s because Mommy and Daddy pay for it. There is resentment there. I’m not as close to those friends as I am to the friends who live a life’s tie similar to mine. It’s a shame that’s the way it is, but it’s hard being reminded of what you don’t have all the time…

    • Good points. We as humans do tend to socialize with those who are in our same tax brackets. She happened to be in my tax bracket but had come from money, so she dated ‘up’. By ‘up’ I mean she once dated the son of someone who’d made the Forbes list of wealthiest people. While I was never actively mean to her, I did let jealousy push her away, while other people in our circle were secure enough to strip away the material aspects, and just see her for who she is. She really is a sweetheart, so I’m ashamed of myself for being petty.

      • Well, let’s be real. Unless she’s going to hang out on your level, are you going to be able to afford however she spends her free time? How DO friendships like that work? I’m honesty curious!! I guess that’s hard though, when they’re nice people! It really is crazy how different lives can be when you have money and privilege…

      • Valid questions, and obviously I didn’t have the answers to them when the friendship presented itself! I used some examples of trying to socialize with her, but not all. Most of her invitations were “budget friendly”. She just wanted to spend time with me, because she liked me, and she would have been cool with just drinking wine and watching movies at home. As a woman, I’ve struggled with body-confidence and being content with what I have. But those are MY issues, and they’re vain. I couldn’t get past my jealousy, and that’s all on me.

      • Yeah, I can see that now. I’ve definitely thought about your post since you wrote it. I realized that the difference in money, wouldn’t have mattered unless she wasn’t cool with doing what you were able to do. I have issues like that too, and I’m ashamed to admit that I wouldn’t be comfortable being friends with a beautiful rich girl, just because it would make me feel inadequate 😔

      • I know I have to get over my insecurities, but I just don’t know how to sometimes. I only know that comparing myself to others and beating myself up over my visible flaws isn’t helping. I love your honesty, and self-effacing humor. You’re doing it right!

      • Well, that’s why I use humor and self-deprecation. It’s a mechanism for coping with my insecurities. It’s a bitch to be a woman, because we naturally compare ourselves to others.

      • It is a bitch, and I think most men don’t understand. My man is able to laugh off my Chris Hemsworth crush (Thor) but heaven help him, if he raises an eyebrow at Scarlett Johansen! He’s never going to look like Thor, and that’s ok. I’m never going to look like Scarlett Johansen, and I feel less than.

  3. Looks are fleeting even for guys. Like you I think that at different times in my life I’ve been on both sides of the coin, although truth be told, not of the object of desire side as often as I’d wish, but when all else is absent, good people in your life are more valuable than anything else.

    • When you have the opportunity to surround yourself with kind-hearted people, you should take it. I definitely allowed vanity/insecurity to get in the way of a potential friendship, and that makes me feel like a schmuck. I think I’ve learned my lesson, and I hope I’m able to put my pride aside and only look for one’s inner-beauty going forward.

  4. This was an interesting discussion. I have friends who are way out of my tax bracket and they’re very nice about sharing their experiences without appearing boastful. I think there’s an art to it, to being gracious in a universal way. I don’t look at their social media accounts so any interactions we have are in person. At the same time, for me, the character traits of a person are of primary importance. The ability to think critically helps conversations along. That comes with maturity.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment. We’re all learning as we go, and hopefully with maturity, we’ll all get to the place where we’re comfortable enough in our own skin and circumstance to embrace someone, even if we initially feel threatened by them. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m trying to learn from my mistakes!

  5. Thank you Kim! This post inspired me to write about something. I was the less pretty but that never bothered me because what I lacked in looks I made it up other ways 🙂

  6. Pingback: 527 | DotedOn

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