1). Crazy-ass glass suspension bridge in China
Have ya’ll seen the news about the new suspension bridge in China? I have, and that’s what inspired me to make this anti-bucket list. The bottom is made of glass, so you can fully envision the plummet towards your grisly death with each step you take. Yay, technology!
Before I proceed, you should know two things:
- I hate heights. I had to use a step-stool the other day and I am not exaggerating when I say, it was terrifying.
- I’ve recently become paranoid about windows falling from buildings and decapitating me. I’m no Chicken Little! It’s a fact that the museum where I work has had several windows fall out of their panes and shatter on the pavement below. (They were installed backwards, and scaffolding that takes up two city blocks has been erected as a temporary safety measure.) The sky is falling!
If I can’t trust glass windows, I sure as hell don’t trust glass as a substitute for an actual bridge floor.
2). No-Cage Shark Diving
You read that right. No-Cage shark-diving is now being offered to adventurous souls with fat wallets and no common sense. I personally, would rather eat the sushi than be the sushi.Mmm…sushi.
Last week, my museum hosted its annual Bug-Fest and bugs were on the menu. I still can’t comprehend how a “celebration” of bugs transformed into mass carnage. Would you take your child to the zoo, introduce them to the wonders of the Panda, and then offer them a Panda burger? I realize bugs aren’t pandas but it still seems morbid to me. I’ll stick with accidentally eating bugs and not thinking about the fact that we accidentally eat bugs.
4). A one way trip to Mars
Have you ever had bad roommates? They eat your labeled food, steal your favorite shirt and have enough money to purchase weed or concert tickets, yet they can’t seem to manage paying rent on time. Imagine that on a planet you can never return from. You’ll want to drown your sorrows in a plate of cheese-fries but all you’ll have is space-food…until you die. Meanwhile on Earth, a grinning chimpanzee is relishing his cheesy-fries and toothily smirking at the sudden shift in evolution.
5). Carnival/County Fair Rides
I realize carnival rides aren’t on many people’s bucket lists but roller coasters are. I love roller coasters in a theme park setting. Theme park roller coasters are regularly inspected by engineers who do not appear to be high on meth. In my experience, all carnival ride operators appear to be on meth. When the ride operator is way too pumped by outdated music and shines their pearly grays at you, Do Not Let Them Strap You In To The Ride! My county fair is coming up and I love attending. I keep my feet on the ground while eating roasted corn but entertainment opportunities still abound.
I for one, am looking forward to the annual Fair game of “I spy a mullet”. People from all over the state attend the county fair, and I’m pretty sure some of them even crawl out of their “End of Days” bunkers just to ride the zipper.
Your turn. Have anything to add to my anti-bucket list?
image credits: listwns.com, omnifeed,petethomasoutdoors.com,appliancesonlineblog.com.au,dailymail.co.uk