anecdotes

But I have to pee: Don’t go in the water

I remember the days of boogie boarding and catching waves. I love the ocean. I love the beach. I love how the salt and sand gets locked in your hair and creates effortless beach curls. I hate sharks. I hate that they can see me, when I can’t see them. I hate that my legs look like chum to them. I go to the beach, but I don’t swim. I set my chair in the surf and let the water roll over my feet. The water feels good. It’s warm, and I’m relaxed. Now I have to pee.

The nearest restroom is three miles down the road. I’m at a piss crossroad. 

Derek leads me into the water, and is more than happy to report that he just peed. He looks so serene. He goes on to instruct me to “wait for a wave and squat”. I’m annoyed, and not so gently let him know that “I know how to pee in the ocean”. My fear is that a shark will make a buffet out of my ass. My fear is relevant. I decide to just “hold it”.

Sharks have been making the NC coast in to a smorgasbord in the past few weeks. Some have lost limbs, some nearly died, and all have been only waist deep in the water. The seventh attack was reported today. 

Peeing in the ocean is liberating, but I don’t want to be liberated from my limbs. 

Would you swim in shark infested waters? 

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25 thoughts on “But I have to pee: Don’t go in the water

  1. I did go snorkeling on a shark feed once in the South Pacific. It was tense! Anyway, I’m a bit fearful of what lies beneath the ocean waves, so, NO, I do not like swimming in shark infested waters. I wonder if pee keeps them away? 😀

  2. I’m sorry about that Kim… The nearest water here is my pond 🙂
    I was never afraid of sharks, no attacks near where I come from. And I hate swimming in rivers or lakes because I can’t stand the slippery poop feeling of the bottom on my feet. So my problem is more of how disgusted I feel than scared 🙂

    • I feel that way about swimming in the lakes around here. They just seem gross to me. The ocean feels “clean” because of the waves and the salt. Pools are ok because of all of the chlorine. Swimming in brown, stagnant water? No thanks. I’d rather risk it with the Sharks.

  3. So true. Perhaps, my million dollar idea will be creating shark-repellant swimwear. I can pitch my idea on the entrepreneurial TV show “Shark Tank”. That could be ironic…

  4. I can’t swim. I can sort of tread water. But I like to frolic. Would I frolic in shark-infested water? Probably. But only because I’m an idiot.

  5. I live three miles from the Pacific, and we go to the beach a lot. We don’t swim in the ocean though. We’ve had shark attacks here too, and a few of my friends who are avid surfers are reporting more and more sightings of Great Whites all the time. So no, we are not ocean swimmers! I would walk three miles to pee before getting waist deep in that water!

    • More attacks have been reported since I posted this. We actually went a few weeks ago, and were surrounded by fishermen. That was never the case before all of the shark attacks. I love to fish. I grew up in a fishing family, but I’m not comfortable with people chumming the water near a family swimming destination. If I wasn’t swimming before, I’m definitely not swimming in baited water.

      • That happened here last July! Fishermen were baiting the water and a swimmer was attacked by an 8 ft Great White that was caught on a fishing line. It was crazy. The local government banned fishing and chumming off the pier after that.

      • 8 ft? That is crazy! It just seems like common sense to not chum the water of nearby swimmers. I guess common sense isn’t so common.

  6. Honestly, I ask myself that question every time I swim in the ocean, because there’s always a chance that there’s a shark somewhere nearby. And yet: The chance that you get attacked are slim… I guess I listen to the locals and try to stick to the “rules” about when to go in the water and when not to, hoping that the sharks really know those rules too 😉

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