The PMS Inn!

Imagine a place where all your cares melt away. Crisp Egyptian cotton sheets are layered with luxurious down comforters that envelope your body like marshmallow clouds. The pillows are cool and nurturing, and cradle your neck in a way you haven’t experienced since birth. Soothing scents of your choice, fill the room as you plunge into a bubble bath, and calming music fills the air.

I’m a sucker for Mozart or Vivaldi when it comes to relaxation (cause I’m classy and shit), and the fragrances of Rosemary or Lavender are my go-to aromatherapy. Perhaps the sounds of Mogwai, Explosions In The Sky, or Radiohead bring you tranquility. Perhaps Lilac, Bergamot or Vanilla relaxes you.

It’s all cool at the PMS Inn!

My blog-friend Paola, over at dotedon.wordpress.com recently published a post about periods, and it got me thinking. What if there was a retreat for women on their periods?

The idea might seem crazy, but it’s nowhere near as crazy as a woman reacting to her monthly visitor. I think this hotel venture could save a lot of lives, or at least, avoid a lot of arguments between men and women.

Just indulge me.

My first thought was that men should receive hotel vouchers as a reprieve from the menstruating women in their lives. Then I realized that their ideal reprieve would most likely, be more along the lines of playing video games in their undies, or tinkering with tools.You know…man stuff.

The PMS Inn would truly cater to a woman’s needs during that time of the month when she’s “celebrating the miraculous wonders of her reproductive system”. Of course, the chocolate on the pillow would stay, (touch it and die) but the package would include so much more!

Placed ever so carefully next to the pillow chocolate, would be a family sized bottle of ibuprofin, and a heating pad (for when “Aunt Flo’s acting like an asshole). The mini-fridge would be specifically stocked per the guest’s requests, but staples would include rocky road ice cream, fudge sauce, and a hammer. The hammer is to be used only in emergencies,which require chocolate bars to be broken apart and added to the chocolate sundae.

What about entertainment? The PMS Inn has that covered as well. When guests aren’t writhing in cramp pain, and have eaten their fill of chocolate. they’ll have a basket of DVD’s to choose from. Some titles to choose from include: “The Crimson Tide”, “The Hunt For Red October”, and “Where The Red Fern Grows”. If these selections hit a little too close to home, the guest also has the option of selecting any movies starring Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. The movie Chocolate is a favorite with guests.

The PMS Inn is open to name suggestions. The Red Room Inn is already taken but I have a few other suggestions.

For the girl on a budget: The Hostility Hostel

For the country girl who wants to have the “dude ranch” experience: Cramp Ranch

For the city girl who’s watched too many episodes of “Sex In The City”: Sex, My Ass, In The City

Thoughts? Name suggestions? Do tell!




12 thoughts on “The PMS Inn!

  1. I started reading your post while eating a chocolate bar. I laughed so hard that I spilled half of what was in my mouth. 😀
    I LOVE the idea Kim!!! And I’m sure many lives will be saved this way.
    The only thing that pleases me those days is to hear: “Yes, Dear”. Confrontation should be avoided at any cost… or else!!

  2. I loved this fantasy! Perfect. I remember reading somewhere that many Native American women used to sleep away from the men during their periods. Goes hand in hand, women in groups tend to menstrate at the same time. Good job Kim!

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