humor / Uncategorized

Don’t Play Games With Me (Literally)

I can not rationalize my  competitive behavior. I try. Believe me, I try.

My family moved a lot when I was a kid. My father was not in the military. He was just an unsettled soul. New year, new school…sometimes new month, new school. I dreaded the first day of school. That was the day that the teacher had me stand in front of the class to be introduced as the new pupil. I fretted over my outfit, anguished over my Aqua Netted hair, and prayed to the deodorant Gods that my Teen Spirit was holding up.

I quickly learned the art of being as outgoing as possible. You either sink or swim in a new environment. Sinking was not an option, especially in middle school.

6th grade. New new school. My family was very poor that year, and I had been enrolled in a school that had no middle class. The rich kids lived in glass mansions, and the poor kids were ostracized, ridiculed.

I rocked my Wal-Mart clothes to the best of my ability, but that did not stave off the mockery of the well-to-do kids. I could not compete with their designer labels, but I quickly learned that I could out-run them.

Baby, I was born to run! In gym class I beat all of the girls in the mile sprint, and beat all boys besides the one we called “The Cheetah”.

I loved the win. I loved winning as the under-dog, and I guess that sealed my fate.

These days, every board game played is a fight to the death. I frantically scream out answers when screaming is not warranted.

Outburst? Yes, I will! Er…I mean, I’d love to play.

I just learned that there’s a Bible Edition of this game. I’m by no means religious but it struck me as a little un-bibley. I’m sure it’s a family-friendly game (if I’m not playing) but I can’t help but picture the victor shouting “Suck it losers, Jesus likes me best”!

Scattergories anyone?

The logo image is pretty accurate if it’s interpreted as my head exploding. This game has a handy built-in timer that syncs up perfectly with my rapidly beating heart.

I own a pair of bowling shoes, a bag, and a ball.


Cute right? The problem is that I’ve owned them for over two years, and I have yet to use them. The ball hasn’t even been drilled. Why? Because Derek is not too keen on playing with me. I win one little game by like a lot of points, and he suddenly has no interest in competing against me. Pool’s out too. Trivial Pursuit and Cranium have also been nixed.

Perhaps my competitive nature is the problem. Perhaps, but I can never admit that because that would make me the loser.

When do you feel the most competitive? Shopping? Vying for affection from the opposite sex? Help me out by sharing your comments.

I really need this win.



5 thoughts on “Don’t Play Games With Me (Literally)

  1. I don’t really compete much as far as board games or sports. I get a bit competitive when playing but don’t really sweat a loss. Oh gosh, now I hate to admit this, but I kind of get competitive over my kids. I would never tell another mother this, but when I see another kid do well, I always wish it was my kid, or my kid too, anyway. Also, yes, the shopping thing. If I see another shopper looking at stuff that looks cool to me, I am tempted to tell her why they just wouldn’t be right for her…but I never would. I just shove her out of the way when she’s near me on the rack, ha, ha!!

  2. So funny! If I had kids,I know I’d think they were the very best at everything. I realize that’s bad. The key to competitive shopping is to use your elbows. It’s all about wingspan. Just spread your arms like a peacock spreads it’s feathers. You’ll look super creepy , but the goods will be yours!

  3. I’m not competitive at all and don’t give a crap if I lose. I only enjoy winning against cheaters and bad losers… I could even get pompons and dance 🙂 So if you really like winning, we better don’t compite, because there is a chance that I beat you 😀
    Many years ago I had a boyfriend. We used to play chess and keep the score. He was beating me 7-0. I got better and we were 7-7. That was the last time we played!! Sucker!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s