Grand Theft Auto (from a girl’s perspective)

Sometimes I’m such a girl, that I think my ovaries have ovaries.

The game Grand Theft Auto came out around the time that my nephews were toddling. Before they were old enough to wipe their own butts, their winner of a dad (who spent most of their lives in prison) was teaching them how to play the game. This was my first impression of Grand Theft Auto. Nearly 20 years later, and many editions past: I still find the game to be misogynistic, unnecessarily violent, and generally, in bad taste.

Derek (the love of my life and pain in my side) knows this. He knows this, but plays the game whenever he gets the chance. I don’t judge him for this. I just don’t get it.  On a whim, the other day, I asked him to let me play. Couples with shared interests right?

Initial thoughts? I was really excited to go shopping and pick out a cute outfit for my felon. One never knows when orange will be the new black for a thug. Accessorizing is key. I loved picking out my new ride. Derek showed me how to carjack, but I insisted on acquiring my stolen ride without force.

New outfit. Check. New 4 door truck with outlaw music blaring. Check. It was time to put the pedal to the metal; only I didn’t. I just got a new vehicle. Do you honestly think I’m going to scratch it up on the first day? Derek’s eyes were glazing over as I pushed on at granny speed and let other vehicles pass me. That’s the polite thing to do!

I finally made it to the “safe house” in the hills of Malibu, and was relieved to find a bottle of wine to sip on. I poured myself one or three glasses and then tried to retire to the outdoor jacuzzi. The game said no. In order to continue, I’d have to continue my mission by shooting at cops, stealing cars from hard-working citizens, and fleeing from high-speed chases.

I was already exhausted from the shopping and the wine, so I handed the controller over to Derek again.


19 thoughts on “Grand Theft Auto (from a girl’s perspective)

  1. I don’t play the game either. just a tad too violent for my tastes.
    Loved the humour in this, and the game said “no” when you wanted to retire to the outdoor Jacuzzi.
    Thank you for sharing this. It was a fun read! 🙂

  2. My biggest complaint about the game is that fact it doesn’t prepare you for prison life. And there never seems to be any major traffic jams….so unrealistic.

  3. How can GTA be realistic in any sense when I can actually get from A to B in LESS than 2 hours consisting of honking at the traffic build up.

  4. Oh goodness!! My son and husband are obsessed with that game! Every day I hear my son go around talking about how he killed this one, did this drug bust and made this amount of money and it takes me a second before I realize that he is, once again in game land. BTW if you managed to maneuver your vehicle without a scratch, you are already beating him!

  5. I’m not a fan of the game, but in all honesty, the only games that I’ll play (rarely) are sports games. There are some people that work for me that actually had taken a day off of work to be first to get the game.

  6. Hi!
    Although I am a new follower your blog makes me laugh my ass of and I love it! So I have nominated you for the Inspiring Blogger Award.
    As i am still learning the ropes here at wordpress I’ve yet to learn how to link you to my post so please check out SASS-A-FIED BLOGGER AWARD (MAYBE…!) Written today, 2015/01/08 for your nomination.
    Cheers!! 🙂

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