family

Holiday Gift Rejects

We’ve all received a hated gift at some point in our lives. The awkward acceptance of the present usually leaves us scratching our heads, and asking the question: “Have you met me?”. If you’re like me, you act as gracious as you can and stammer out a lilted “thank you”. If you’re like me, you know that your acting skills aren’t on par with Meryl Streep’s , and you just hope that your moment in the spotlight passes quickly.

Marissa over at http://rockandrollsupermom.wordpress.com/ recently posted an awesome piece entitled “Inventory”. Her posts always make me laugh/ think. While thinking about her post, I remembered the worst Christmas present I’ve ever received. I was 20 or 21 and had a new step-mom whom I’d met once (after a secret wedding). At the time, I saw her as my adversary. This woman, in all of her animal print luster, was replacing my mother who had recently passed. If she had given me a diamond drenched Tiffany necklace, I probably would have balked at it. She did not give me a Tiffany necklace. She gave me a red sweater with a black velvet panther attached to it. I held this gift against her until I realized, years later, that she’s a wonderful woman. Our tastes differ but her heart was in the right place.

My pseudo MIL is a different story. There is no gift that pleases her, and we’ve spent many Christmases watching her blatantly re-gift items. Before she retired, we had to sit through her opening gifts from co-workers as she devilishly mocked them. In an effort to not become an object of her scorn, we would agonize and spend hundreds on her gift. With great relief, our agony was put at bay when we discovered her crawl space, filled with our unused loot. We could now spend $2 instead of $200 because it is all going in Diane’s trash bin,

I found the ad below on the free portion of Craigslist tonight, and I feel this woman’s pain. One Christmas, Derek presented me with a new make-up box from Sephora. He had given me one the year before, but this one was bigger. Diane’s response: “So you’ll be wearing more make-up this year?”

Craigslist ad:

Ugly ass santa cookie jar-NIB

Passive aggressive MIL gave this to me for christmas. I don’t know if someone out there might actually like it but it might make a good gag gift for next year. I’m sure it’s from Belk because that’s the only fucking place she ever shops, so it’s probably high quality. At least, as high quality as cookie jars get.
Please get this thing out of my house. If you decide you want it, email me and I’ll leave it on my patio for you.
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13 thoughts on “Holiday Gift Rejects

  1. Oh Kim! I totally understand how you feel… I’m sorry you got it with Santa’s shape. That’s like: “Hehehehe, you can’t even regift this one, sucker!!”
    I discovered once that the gift I spent days getting for the b&#ch, she gave to someone else a couple of years later. It freaking hurt!! At least have the decency to regift to someone I don’t know or I never meet.
    I would say, give it back to her next Christmas and pretend you mixed it up with some coworker’s gift… 🙂

  2. I got a jigsaw puzzle of 18 wheelers last year for Secret Santa. While I like puzzles, I don’t see an 18 wheeler and confirm my manhood.

  3. Thank you for the shout out! This blog brings up a whole different side of it though…the givers of those annoying gifts and what they are trying to say by giving them. I also have a MIL I don’t get along with. Usually she gives gift cards so it’s not too bad that way, but she always manages to find a card that somehow seems to say “Merry Christmas to my son and that bitch he married.”

  4. Man, don’t you just love crazy MIL? My mother-in-law will focus in on creating a collection of something you might like (like you mentioned in a casual conversation). I’m from Hawaii so I get all things “Hawaiian”. Some are pretty cool…others not so.

    Good luck with your wacky MIL Diane…I loved her bitch comment about your make up.

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