I’ve really done it now. I’ve crossed over the threshold of thrifty to vagrant. I should be ashamed but I’m too pleased with my plunder to entertain shameful thoughts.
I desperately needed boxes to ship some items that my mouth had already cashed a paycheck for. I visited my local “free box” haunts but none were to be found. These Barbies aren’t going to ship themselves! I did what any normal girl would do and took to stalking the back alleys of businesses. I spied a huge recycling bin and just as I made my approach, a worker dutifully wheeled out boxes to be broken down. I guess I could have just approached and asked for the boxes but approaching a guy in a darkened alley seemed a bit rape-y.
In better taste, I circled the block three times. The third round made the guy take notice, and I’m sure he was afraid for his life. No box plundering would take place at this location.
I needed a box to get my shipment out, and I would not go home without it.
On a mission, I deftly skulked through the city streets “casing” recycling bins. The first bin was a jackpot as it was filled to the brim with large boxes and bubble wrap that retails at $16 per foot. I parked in a no parking zone while I quickly retrieved my goodies. I was giddy but had only a dog to report my exhilaration to. She was not impressed.
My next stop was the “mother load”. I pulled my car up to the Starbucks recycling bin under the cover of night. The first few boxes came out easily but the one I really had my eye on would prove to be more of a challenge. I hoisted and grunted but could not retrieve the prized box. Undeterred, I put forth a bit more effort. I was halfway in the dumpster with my ass hanging out before I recognized the sound of scoffing laughter. A group who’d just emerged from the adjacent restaurant had caught me red-handed.
My momentary embarrassment was overshadowed by a feeling of victory. No rats emerged from the dumpster and chewed my nose off, and I was able to ship my package in a timely manner.
The faint scent of coffee is on the house.