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Irksome Little Things

We’re all writers here, so it’s natural to assume we’re hyper-aware of our surroundings. I know it’s not ‘polite to stare’ but I just can’t help myself. My partner busts me on this nasty little habit daily.

I observe everything…because I do. Real life is irksome but what gets me is the movies. I am typically far more interested in the background of movies and t.v. than the foreground. This shit is staged, and should be staged correctly. If it’s not, I’ll probably notice.

#1. The coffee cup. When someone is drinking “coffee” in a scene I always inspect the prop cup. It’s usually apparent that no liquid is in it at all. I’m fine with that because it’s a prop. I am not fine with the actor haphazardly waving their hands about with the supposed hot liquid. No one in real life would do that with a drink that could cause serious burns. Think before you act.

#2 Doo doo breath: This one is appropriately titled and has to do with morning breath. There’s at least one scene in every romantic comedy that depicts lovers waking up to one another. I cringe at all of the hard h’s that they exchange. “Hello you; how’d you sleep”? The deep, bacterial tongue ridden kisses commence without so much as a stinging swish of Listerine. No one is impervious to morning breath. I call bullshit with the hopes that the actors breaths smell better than they would in the wee small hours of the morning. Nothing puts the HELL in hello quite like morning breath.

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#3 Movie Chefs don’t follow procedure. When I was a restaurant manager/ catering manager, my company shelled out thousands to keep me up to date in certifications and sanitation ordinances. I watched a show today in which the ‘Chef’ used the same spoon to sample all of her dishes. Double dipping is a big no-no but she quadruple dipped. In my world, this “t.v. Chef” would be fired on the spot for the saliva stew she created with her contaminated spoon.

#4 Sing along time. Imagine a world where people sit around a piano and sing their hearts out. I’m annoyed already. There’s a guy or girl in every scene who thinks they have a great voice , and adds a harmony portion to the song. This happened to me in real life as well. It might even be the #1 reason for not believing in organized religion. Sister Helen might have the voice of an angel in God’s eyes, but a true and just God would not make his brethren endure a warbly-voiced solo that makes human ears bleed.

#5 The High School party scene. I am not condoning underage drinking here but merely “Stating the facts,ma’am”.  Nothing hits my cringe button harder than a high school party scene that depicts characters drinking unadulterated sodas and non-spiked punch. Dancing ensues-because teenage kids love nothing more than being sober and dancing awkwardly. I attended a lot of parties in high school but none involved non-alcoholic punch.

What movie /t.v. scenes irk you?

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11 thoughts on “Irksome Little Things

  1. Those things bother me too! Also, don’t know if this truly qualifies but whenever I see someone get out of bed and hop into their clothes I always think that they probably need to use the bathroom before they do that.

  2. Something I actually liked was the late John Hughes actually used teens to play teens. That is good. What I don’t like … hmmm ….
    Well, let’s see. I hate when they get standard facts wrong, like the language of a country a character is supposed to be from. I’m talking about really bad accents (think Costner in Robin Hood). If you can’t do the accent, don’t do it.
    I appreciate that crime shows only have 42 minutes to finish, but I love how it only takes a few hours to get lab results when it could take weeks! Just saying. Still watch them though.
    People with low-paying jobs staying in pretty damn good apartments in New York City!! Sorry, even with a rent freeze I’m not buying it.
    But my main beef, particularly with US tv, is that there are very few normal looking people around. At least the Brits cast some regular looking people in their shows!

    • So many great points. John Hughes got it and always hand-picked the soundtracks that would become our teenage anthems. The worst accent in my memory bank is that of Nicole Kidman (who irks me in general) in Cold Mountain. Southern accents are usually bad but let’s get an Australian to do one! The NYC lofts get me every time as the “struggling” artist enters his 3,000 square foot space. And of course, no poor person’s castle would be complete without a $4,000 Eames chair and ottoman nestled in the corner.

      Rent controlled my ass!

      On Mon, Nov 17, 2014 at 1:20 AM, kimboxin wrote:

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  3. LMAO! Yes, morning breath is the WORST! My kids watch Full House and that is the king of irksome little things. Can you imagine your inlaws living at your home – forever? Uncle Jesse with his perfect hair, playing guitar in these gigantic rooms that somehow are located in a tiny row house in San Francisco.

    • Full House was my show growing up. Trying to watch it now is as enjoyable as a trip to the dentist. Actually…now that I think about it, it’s syrupy sweetness might have been the cause of any cavity I ever had!

      On Mon, Nov 17, 2014 at 9:17 AM, kimboxin wrote:

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  4. 🙂 I also have a problem with Nicole Kidman!!
    The lack of continuity in general. You see the glass half full and ten second later full and then a quarter full and then full again and you never saw the hand pouring any liquid or a bottle near… And I know how it feels to watch the background instead of the actors playing 🙂

  5. All the sex scenes where afterward the woman gets up carefully wrapping the sheet around herself – and dragging it along behind her to the bathroom or kitchen. Has anyone ever done this in real life??

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