Do You Think I’m Being Coy Moron?

Some men (not all and not the good ones) just can’t seem to take a hint when it comes to unwanted advances. These guys get so territorial towards the objects of their lust that they might as well hike their legs and pee on them, to mark their territory. I am not that girl and trust me, if you do attempt to pee on me, it will be the last time you do it without a urostomy bag. The girl you’re looking for is on Craigslist, but this girl is just trying to mind her own damn business.

If I’m walking down the street and a man is intently looking at me, I can feel it. A woman can always feel that. If we don’t look up and make eye contact, there’s a reason for that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to ‘smile’ by a perfect male stranger. If I wanted to smile at you, I’d fucking smile at you. My not smiling at you is very much intentional and should read like a blinking marquis that states: fuck off.

Why this sudden rant? It’s been years in the making but a new and uncomfortable situation is currently rearing it’s ugly head.

I work catering gigs on the weekends to make extra money. It’s a very glamorous position and I feel super sexy in my apron and tie that are slathered with buffet mashed potatoes. What girl wouldn’t? I also just can’t get enough of white people dancing badly to hip-hop songs that have been discarded by the black community. The joy!

I work at a particular venue most Saturdays and it’s always been convenient because it’s two blocks from my house. It was super convenient until the hall manager started taking a liking to me. His flirtatious comments have escalated from innocent to real in the past few weeks.  This guy knows I’m in a relationship and I always try to steer the conversation in that direction.

I’m pretty in tune with my spidey senses and don’t picture this guy apprehending me in a darkened alley. I think he just likes me but the reality is that he’s 6’6″ and I reach 5’3″ on my tip toes. I’m 5’3″ dammit! Unwanted advances are always awkward but can be really intimidating if the guy is the size of a linebacker. How does that sexual math even work? Wait…I get it!

I worked at the venue tonight and was relieved that this guy was at an offsite event. The party was over and I had my keys in hand when he strolled in, saw me and made a beeline for me. He went in for a sideways hug and I stuck my arm in between him and my left boob. No free samples! He didn’t attempt to hug anyone else…even though he had worked with them all as much as me. He lingered and said ” I missed you tonight beautiful” He tried to hold my hand but soon realized that it was grasping my key chain which boasts police grade pepper spray in the shade of blush pink.

I hope he took the hint. Next time won’t be so pretty, even if I have to stand on a step stool to administer his punishment.


10 thoughts on “Do You Think I’m Being Coy Moron?

  1. “If I wanted to smile at you, I’d fucking smile at you.” Real LOLs at that one 🙂 I usually don’t bother staring down women. In my mind your thoughts on this subject are exactly what I think all women thing walking down the street.

    Hell if there is girl on front of me walking, I make it a point to walk next to or pass her. Escalators and stairs are the worst though, you girls need to think about those things before putting on such short clothing sometimes 🙂

    • I know how to paint a sexy portrait! All women have to deal with that from time to time. That’s what the pepper spray is for [?].

      On Sun, Sep 28, 2014 at 7:01 PM, kimboxin wrote:


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