The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that The Easter Bunny would soon be there.
Wait-wait that’s not it. I’m just so confused by the strong-armed seasonal push of retailers that I’m having a Small Wonder melt down.
I’ve almost come to terms with the fact that the malls will be festooned with Christmas decorations before this year’s crop of Snookies perform their All Hallow’s Eve, drunken walk of shame. I’m even learning to cope with my local Christmas parade being scheduled a full week before Thanksgiving. Nobody should have to hear off key marching bands play Louie-Louie if it’s not even December. Still, I keep my cool.
Today, I lost my cool when I arrived at my grocery store (in 90 degree August heat) and found these (soon to be rotting) pumpkins, challenging my composure. I defiantly shook my head in protest and scanned the perimeter for like-minded individuals. The only other person who even seemed to notice, was a country mom desperately trying to lure her young son away from the taunting display. Nathan Wade, she drawled you best get away from those punkins’ and come on! Let me tell you, Nathan Wade really wanted a punkin’.
Here’s the deal: Americans are not going to forget to buy crap. It’s our national pastime. I just find it doubly insulting when retailers think we are so stupid that we’ll forget to buy said crap, when not being prematurely beaten over the head with it.
Have you made your 2015 4th of July plans yet? You haven’t? Tsk, tsk. Better fire up those grills. It’s less than a year away. Nathan Wade is counting on you.
Let’s sum it up with a song!