Let’s start with the title:
1). Was the YouTube video so funny that you “literally died of laughter”? Laughing to death sounds like a good way to go but chances are you’re still alive and kicking,even after watching a pranks compilation. If you did indeed die of unrelated causes after watching said video and made a premortem post about the hilarity killing you, I would like the option to not send flowers. Instead, I’ll send my money to a literacy fund. The term literally is literally used too much and it drives me up the wall.
2). Quiet your children in public. When I was a child, I threw temper tantrums but not too many and they didn’t last long. I learned quickly that as soon as my back hit the floor, volume increased and legs and arms began to flail, my fun time was over. I didn’t get my way just because I wanted it to be so and my parents would not stand for public humiliation. I was taught to ‘just be cool’ and the promised ‘good things’ would come my way. These days, more often than not, when you see a screaming child you see their parents bargaining with them. They bribe them with sugary snacks, which only escalates the problem. I don’t believe in an iron fist but you should at least be able to apply a heavy enough hand to make them realize that bad behavior=reduced privileges. Bad behavior should not be rewarded but quarantined.
3). Your conversation can wait: I’ve mentioned the rudeness and danger of texting while driving and ranted about treating your cell phone like a walkie talkie. It’s so discourteous. Just yesterday at the grocery store, I was pushing my cart along like a normal human being when the very tall man in front of me abruptly stopped to read an incoming text. My shins rammed in to the cart as I swerved to avoid a pile-up. I tried to make disapproving eye contact as I wheeled around him but he never looked up. His decision to disconnect with the actual world around him created yellow and blue bruises on my poor legs. It’s time to disconnect from disconnectedness.
4). Be a good neighbor: Techno is always a bad choice. I mainly work from home and so does the neighbor above me. I strive to be considerate and keep the decibels to a level that can only be heard within my confined space. The neighbor above me does not adhere to this practice of mutual respect and to make matters worse, he zones in on one jarring song and plays it on repeat for a week at a time. If this is a twisted form of Chinese water torture, I’ll talk, I’ll tell you anything I you want to hear. All I ask in return dear neighbor, is that you stop playing DJ Douchebag’s super douchebag mix.
5). Hold the door! I was on the heels of a guy as he walked in to the bank today but he could not be bothered to hold the door open for an additional two seconds. The cartoon version of me peeled it’s splattered imprint from the glass as the real version wanted to kick the guy where it counted.
We live in a virtual society where one can easily and anonymously go online and rudely slam others. Still we’re all flesh and bone.
It’s all too easy to throw the fundamentals of good manners out the window but I refuse to do so. I just wasn’t raised that way.
In the words of Ellen Degeneres “Be kind to one another”. In my words, please don’t use the word literal if the scenario is figurative. It makes it harder for me to be kind.